... if anybody actually does read this new and improved version and if i was to post it up would someone take the time to comment.
... if i'm destined to ever be 100% happy.
... if i will i ever find 'her'?
... can Frank ever keep something solid for longer than a month?
... will i ever grab ahold of what eludes me so much whether its that determination factor, or the general focus that i dont seem to have.
... can i climb out of this rut(?) that i seem to be in before i can realize how fast it pulls me down. and there's the one i want to write about.
What's really keeping me here in Delaware, what is really stopping me from just up and leaving the city/state/area to go and do what i want where i want when i want. is there anything really worth sticking around for? I am seriously getting sick and tired of having to have these thoughts, why cant there just be something that just makes me say: 'Fuck yeah dude! step your game up and stick around.' Yeah i got friends; and they are cool as shit; but as i write this i feel the sodium swell behind my iris. not to a large amount; but enough to make me stop and think. i really dont like getting this feeling, however apparently its going to keep rearing its ugly head. and no, i dont necessarily want to just up and go to florida. if anything i would probably disappear to like ... iowa or wyoming or something just to escape from e v e r y t h i n g surrounding my mind. i tried other ways to clear my head; they dont work. i tried not thinking about it, that didnt work. i even reset the musicologist section in my brain so that wouldn't effect me anymore, it helped until nine days after smokeout day. I am sure that i found something i want to stay and fight for; but i dont know how sure of a thing it may be.
Za, i know you're going to read this, simply because i am going to force you; but i really need an honest opinion about the situation. how would you feel if, hypothetically; chao said to you in the first month or so of yall dating "Well i do love you, and nothing is going to change that; but if Sherri was to ask me tomorrow to be with her; there is a possibility that i may leave you for her" How would you react, how do you feel about that?
yeah ... frank gets bombs dropped on him on a weekly basis; its all in the severity of the situation before i blog em. I would like a nice paragraph post on your thoughts ... im kinda perplexed as to what to exactly do. im not trying to surf the wave until we hit the beach; thats fucked up. ioneem like surfing like that. *tosses hands in the air* helpaniggaoutpleasethanks
Damn; this shit aint easy at all . .. ...
