... if i'm destined to ever be 100% happy.
... if i will i ever find 'her'?
... can Frank ever keep something solid for longer than a month?
... will i ever grab ahold of what eludes me so much whether its that determination factor, or the general focus that i dont seem to have.
... can i climb out of this rut(?) that i seem to be in before i can realize how fast it pulls me down. and there's the one i want to write about.
What's really keeping me here in Delaware, what is really stopping me from just up and leaving the city/state/area to go and do what i want where i want when i want. is there anything really worth sticking around for? I am seriously getting sick and tired of having to have these thoughts, why cant there just be something that just makes me say: 'Fuck yeah dude! step your game up and stick around.' Yeah i got friends; and they are cool as shit; but as i write this i feel the sodium swell behind my iris. not to a large amount; but enough to make me stop and think. i really dont like getting this feeling, however apparently its going to keep rearing its ugly head. and no, i dont necessarily want to just up and go to florida. if anything i would probably disappear to like ... iowa or wyoming or something just to escape from e v e r y t h i n g surrounding my mind. i tried other ways to clear my head; they dont work. i tried not thinking about it, that didnt work. i even reset the musicologist section in my brain so that wouldn't effect me anymore, it helped until nine days after smokeout day. I am sure that i found something i want to stay and fight for; but i dont know how sure of a thing it may be.
Za, i know you're going to read this, simply because i am going to force you; but i really need an honest opinion about the situation. how would you feel if, hypothetically; chao said to you in the first month or so of yall dating "Well i do love you, and nothing is going to change that; but if Sherri was to ask me tomorrow to be with her; there is a possibility that i may leave you for her" How would you react, how do you feel about that?
yeah ... frank gets bombs dropped on him on a weekly basis; its all in the severity of the situation before i blog em. I would like a nice paragraph post on your thoughts ... im kinda perplexed as to what to exactly do. im not trying to surf the wave until we hit the beach; thats fucked up. ioneem like surfing like that. *tosses hands in the air* helpaniggaoutpleasethanks
Damn; this shit aint easy at all . .. ...
Hey Hey! You didn't FORCE me to read, you know I read regardless. Anyways. Hypothetically? If Chao were to say something like that, I'd be a little hurt, but at the same time I'd also be ready to just move on. If he knows that he would leave me tomorrow if Sherri wanted to be with him, to me it means that he's not fully ready to be in a relationship with me. Point blank period. I would feel a little hurt, but I'd rather him be honest and up front about his feelings than finding out in the long run after being in a committed relationship for however long.
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